Let’s go back in time for a minute to when I was a teenager.
(I know, right?! Why would I ever want to go back in time to then?!)
At that time, I remember always thinking to myself that I couldn’t wait to be an adult so I could hang out with my friends whenever I wanted. Due to family and church obligations (and the fact that I was a huge nerd and had lots of homework), I really only saw my friends at school and extra-curricular activities.
Which was every day.
Apparently that wasn’t enough. (The introvert in me is cringing at the naivety of my youth)
I remember watching TV shows and movies about tight-knit groups of friends having adventures … I wanted that. I couldn’t wait to have that.
Then I went to college. I kinda had that.
Then I graduated. I grew up. I got a job.
And I was lonely.
Life wasn’t like those TV shows and movies. I didn’t have a close group of friends I hung out with every day. And honestly, I kinda felt lied to.
Now, I’m not telling you all this to throw a pity party or have you feel sorry for me realizing what adulthood is realistically like. But it’s been on my mind quite a bit lately, this idea of loneliness and trying to “find your tribe.”
Because, how do you actually find your people?
I’ve heard so many times in the past 5-10 years, “your vibe attracts your tribe.” But no one actually explained to me how to do that, how to know my vibe, or how to send the vibe out so people could find me (that’s what you’re supposed to do right?!).
It took years, but I’ve finally seen the truth of that statement. And I’ve finally started attracting friends that I trust and feel supported by.
So, if you’re feelings a little lost in this vast and lonely adulthood jungle, trying to figure out how exactly to find your people, I want to share my experience with you.
You are not alone in your loneliness
One of the most difficult things I found as I went through my season of loneliness was the feeling that I was the only one going through it.
Which makes sense. Because I was feeling alone. Obviously.
But that really just isn’t true.
I strongly believe that this season of loneliness is a natural part of your personal development. It’s part of the journey. And so many, if not all, people go through it.
Which means you’re not alone.
One of the most commonly uttered phrases I’ve heard from my adult friends is “I don’t have any friends.”
Of course, the irony of that statement is immediately obvious once it’s put in writing. But since I’ve been there (having friends but feeling as if I don’t), I know that in the moment, it feels like a very real and definite truth.
Everyone has those feels.
And it’s simply part of the nature of being an adult. People get caught up in their own lives. They have families and responsibilities. And making time for friends or other relationships isn’t always the top priority.
It’s part of growing up. Having a season of loneliness is normal. But it doesn’t last forever.
Your Vibe Attracts Your tribe
Ok, I know you’re about to roll your eyes super hard. I completely understand. In my season of loneliness, I heard “your vibe attracts your tribe” so many times I could have screamed.
I think maybe I actually did.
I’m sure you’ve heard it a dozen or more times already, too. But don’t be too quick to dismiss it. Your vibe really does attract your tribe.
It’s all about knowing who you are and letting the world see that.
As you grow in confidence in who you are and what you’re about, people will either be drawn to you or repelled from you. Which means the only people in your circle will be those who truly and genuinely get you.
Your vibe is who you are. It’s your personality, your passions, your desires, your talents, everything that makes you exactly who you are.
And when you let that shine, when you show the world exactly who you are, the people who vibe in the same way as you will find you.
This season is for a reason
The more I heard people talk about vibes and attracting their people, the more I really just got frustrated. Because I felt that I was already being completely myself. And I was still lonely.
Did that mean that I had no tribe to attract?
No. So don’t you dare think that of yourself, either.
What it means is that this period of loneliness is for a reason. There’s a purpose for it. And I found that the purpose of my loneliness was to allow me to truly find myself. It was to give me the space to really define my path and my values.
That’s what this season is meant for.
During this time, while you’re by yourself, you’re meant to turn inward.
That period of loneliness gives us the time and space to focus on ourselves. It allows us to turn inward and find who we truly are. Because how can you be confidence if you’re still struggling to find yourself? How can you shine brightly for your tribe to find you if you’re not 100% clear on who you are or who you want to be?
I want you to be encouraged that this season is just that: a season. It does not last forever. But make good use of it while you’re here.
Focus on yourself. Spend time getting to know yourself. Do the inner work. Find who you are and who you’re meant to be.
Because ultimately, going through the loneliness and spending that time focusing on yourself, taking care of yourself, and nurturing your spirit, that’s how you not only get through the season, but that’s how you end the season.
Get comfortable with yourself.
I found that the more comfortable I was being with myself and being my own best friend (I’m well aware of how cliché that sounds), the more confident I became.
Now I carry that confidence with me wherever I go. I don’t worry about finding my people. I don’t worry about what other people think. Because I’m OK being by myself. But the result of that confidence is that my people are drawn to me.
Right now in my life, while I still would say I don’t have many close friends, the ones I do have get me. They accept me for exactly who I am.
They’re my people.
And I wouldn’t have found them if I hadn’t learned to accept myself as my people first.
join our virtual spirit tribe
One of the beautiful things about living in a very digital world, is that we have a much larger reach than we used to.
Remember that your tribe might not be in your town. Your tribe isn’t limited to the people who are physically close to you. Your soul sisters could be anywhere in the world.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t find and connect with them.
If you’re going through a season of loneliness (or even if you’re not), I want to invite you to join our tribe of soul sisters.
We’re a community of amazing women who are striving towards our best lives. We’re committed to supporting each other as we dive deeper into simpler, intentional living, learn to better take care of ourselves, and embrace our higher truth about who we are.
And we want you to come be a part of our virtual family. We want to help and encourage you on your journey to a better life.